Yuck.

Paano mo ba malalaman kung ang mga bagay ay tinakda para sayo? Paano mo nasabi na tama ang lahat ng pangyayari at talagang nilaan ang lahat sa tamang oras, pakiramdam at panahon? Halimbawa na lang sa mga kataga o salitang binibitawan sayo ng kahit na sino. Paano mo masisiguro na sayo nga lang talaga nya sinabi ang mga ‘yon? Maaring pare-pareho ang mga kataga na sinabi nya ang mga salitang ito sa kung sino man sa kanyang nakaraan pero mas malalim ang kahulugan para sa’yo. Maaring sayo nga lang nya sinabi dahil sayo nya lang naramdaman (ayon sakanya), pero pano mo malalaman kung totoo?

Paano mo masusukat o mattimbang yung pakiramdam ng noon at ngayon at sige na nga isama na rin natin ang kinabukasan. Halimbawa, sinabi nya kahapon na mahal ka nya, pareho pa rin kaya ng timbang ng pagmamahal ang nararamdaman nya ngayon? Maaring oo. Eh kinabukasan? Maaring mas malalim. Eh sa isang linggo? Maaring oo dahil sinabi nya. Eh sa susunod na mga buwan? Maaring hindi na.

Maari nating malaman ang nakaraan at ang ngayon pero hindi natin pwede makita ang hinaharap - hindi natin malalaman kung hanggang saan na lang tayo tatayo at kakapit para sa mga bagay na pinanghahawakan natin ngayon - depende kung ano man ang pinaninindigan mo sa ngayon.

Paano nga ba makasisiguro ang isang tao sa nararamdaman nya? Maaring sasabihin nya sayo oo, pero hindi pala. Maaring sasabihin nya na hindi, pero oo pala. Kung ganun ka-labo ang buhay. paano nasasabi ng ibang tao na tinakda sila para sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa mundong ibabaw maging positibo man o negatibo. Paano nga ba? Ano nga ba ang dapat? Maaring uuwi ka ng masaya. Maaring hindi. Akala mo okay lang ang lahat yun pala wasak na wasak na. Mahirap - pati pag-tantya at pakikiayon sa kilos ng mga tao sa paligid mo mahirap.

Pero paano nga? Paano nga? Ano nga? Saan nga? Sino nga? Kailan? At bakit?

Aminin mo. Lahat naman tayo may trust issues. Lahat naman tayo overthinking. Nagkataon lang na may “mas” at may “medyo” at yung iba nakakayang i-control. Sa puntong ‘to, dun ako sa “sobra” - bigla ko lang ‘to naisip. Wala lang. Random.

Matutulog na ko. May pasok pa bukas.

6 days ago  Notes (0)
And so I decided to read David Levithan’s A Lover’s Dictionary this morning and I suddenly came across this word. Really, universe? What are you trying to imply? Maybe this is the perfect start of a post I’ve been keening to write but had the doubts of doing it. I don’t know how will I start this but recently I have been experiencing things that are not quite usual. Everything is all new to me. And I am really enjoying it. I had came across the idea of you asking the final question but it never got to a point that I will really be thinking about it not until last night when Ching gave me the talk. When people ask me “what now?”, and I tell them ” I don’t know” I really mean it that I really don’t know. No, I am not denial. No, I am not hiding my feelings. It’s just that.. I really don’t know. Ching and I came up with a lot of theories about this but we had came up with one single ending - The make or break question. Maybe I should really sort myself out so when that time comes (Its kind of a pressure for me because the question could pop up anytime) I know what to say and how to explain it. Ang hirap kapag hindi mo alam, deyyyn. I need time. Do I? Will it pass? Will it not? Maybe there really has to be.. We’ll see. We’ll see..

And so I decided to read David Levithan’s A Lover’s Dictionary this morning and I suddenly came across this word. Really, universe? What are you trying to imply?

Maybe this is the perfect start of a post I’ve been keening to write but had the doubts of doing it.

I don’t know how will I start this but recently I have been experiencing things that are not quite usual. Everything is all new to me. And I am really enjoying it. I had came across the idea of you asking the final question but it never got to a point that I will really be thinking about it not until last night when Ching gave me the talk.

When people ask me “what now?”, and I tell them ” I don’t know” I really mean it that I really don’t know. No, I am not denial. No, I am not hiding my feelings. It’s just that.. I really don’t know. Ching and I came up with a lot of theories about this but we had came up with one single ending - The make or break question.

Maybe I should really sort myself out so when that time comes (Its kind of a pressure for me because the question could pop up anytime) I know what to say and how to explain it. Ang hirap kapag hindi mo alam, deyyyn. I need time. Do I?

Will it pass? Will it not? Maybe there really has to be.. We’ll see. We’ll see..

1 week ago  Notes (4)

"Sometimes things that are left unsaid pile up then after awhile there was so much left unsaid that we barely said anything at all"

(via chingpantzee)

1 week ago  Notes (3)

(Source: danipupani, via staypozitive)

1 week ago  Notes (375896)


Awww <3

(Source: carrotisorange, via juliabarretto)

1 week ago  Notes (138286)

the hard nights

brightlightsloudnoises:

it seemed like
ending it
was the smart thing;

that
we would become
better,
maybe even
functional
people

that we would be able
to do normal
things
like buy new tires
or
change the
air filter

and that may
be
true

but when
i get home
from the bar
and
see
no messages,
one toothbrush,
and
an empty bed

i don’t want to be normal

(via loony-loving)

2 weeks ago  Notes (152)
WORD.

WORD.

1 month ago  Notes (3)
Don’t be afraid, dear. You’re missing half of your life if keep on trying to be blind about the view.

Don’t be afraid, dear. You’re missing half of your life if keep on trying to be blind about the view.

1 month ago  Notes (0)